Slowing Down
SUMMARY
TRANSCRIPTION: SLOWING DOWN
Luis Congdon
Today, we’re going talking about something sexy, something awesome, and, something that’s really going to help you get embodied and find more relaxation, connection. Let’s just put it out there. It’s going to help you become more orgasmic.
Kamala Chambers
And that’s something on expected too, which with all of that hype and all of that build up, you’re not going to think it’s going to be what we’re going to talk about.
Luis Congdon
If you’re just tuning in…
Kamala Chambers
You’re here with Kamala Chambers and Luis Congdon.
Luis Congdon
Let’s just jump in. Let’s get into it.
Kamala, you’ve really studied a lot of ways to slow down. You’ve studied tantra for years. You’ve studied a bunch of practices that are all about slowing down and helping men and women become more orgasmic, more connected, more sexual, and more embodied.
Let’s talk about that. Couples need this information so badly. It’s something that when Kamala and I first met each other, I struggled with it. I was working 60+ hours a week, managing 3 different job sites, 25+ staff, and I was on call 24/7 and Kamala really helped me to slow down.
Kamala Chambers
Well, a big thing about slowing down is, I want to look at it as if you’re a wind-up toy and you’re really tightly wound. Then, there’s like this certain momentum. It’s like you’re a little jack rabbit hopping around because you’re tightly wound and then, all of a sudden you start to slow down as the internal winding starts to come undone.
I think that in our daily lives, if we’re rushing through our lives, if we’re rushing, dashing to pick up the kids from school or rushing to get a project done, then all of that internal tension starts to wind up and it becomes really hard to unwind and so, we need to do things like get massages or go to yoga class.
Luis Congdon
See, I hear you saying that and immediately I’m thinking about like busy parents.
Kamala Chambers
Yeah.
Luis Congdon
Or really busy people and I’m going, “Oh God, one more thing. Now, I’ve got to find a way to do yoga”.
Kamala Chambers
No. I’m saying that’s what people do. I’m not recommending that everybody go out and take a yoga class because I don’t take yoga classes. That’s not what is relaxing to me.
Luis Congdon
And the other thing too that I’m feeling it is like I’m a busy person. I have so much going on and now you’re going to tell me to slow down. It’s like what are you talking about? A part of me thinks about this. Some of the people listening to the show, they’re just so busy.
Kamala Chambers
Yeah.
Luis Congdon
And yeah! We’re so busy. We get so wound up. We’re so tight and so tensed.
One of the things I know for women, for example, is they become like in their shoulders and then their head. As a man, I’d love it when my woman is in her body and actually not all up in her head.
I’m thinking of like a stereotype of a woman that is like high power business woman that is just so in her head and she has all this masculine energy and it’s hard for her to relax and be taken care of or being taking out.
What do we do if we’re running these really busy and demanding lives? How the heck are we going to slow down?
Kamala Chambers
Yeah, I can really do that. I can really be one of those women that do get caught up into that. That’s why I understand how that is because we live in busy worlds. We have busy lives. And, an important thing to remember is that it’s an inside job. It’s important how we move through the world.
If I am feeling myself getting overly wound up or overly tensed about something, I have to back off or I’m just going to snap or I’m going break or I’m going to yell or I just get overly tensed. I internalize it and the detrimental thing to that is that once we move in to the bedroom into the ultimate intimate act, then we have to unwind all that tension or probably not going to have the pleasure that we want as for a woman.
Luis Congdon
Yeah.
Kamala Chambers
For women, the most important thing is relaxation.
Luis Congdon
No, it’s important for men too. It’s so important that both people are there.
We’re looking now at how media, it’s called “Technoference”. It’s this new research. It’s coming out now and it’s looking at how technology is interfering with connection because people will be chatting and then all of a sudden, “Oh, I’ve got a buzz on my phone.” My “Friend” on Facebook that I’ve never met is messaging me or some random person on Skype is messaging me. So now, there’s this technoference happening.
So it’s important for us to figure out a way to slow down and be in one place at one time. That is the power of presence. It’s being here and being now but we have these minds like “What am I’m going to do today? What am I going to do tomorrow?” And, I just started to think about our drive yesterday too. But, I want to hear you say a little bit more about slowing down and what the benefits are.
What is slowing down? What is that even mean?
Kamala Chambers
Slowing down doesn’t necessarily mean you have to move like a slug through the world but it’s how fast you’re moving internally. Maybe it’s your heartbeat or your nervous system feels wound up. If you really think about it or if you really feel in, you have this under current of like anxiety. It feels like it’s moving through your veins, which I’ve definitely felt that.
A big part of slowing down is allowing your body, the spaciousness to relax. Maybe it’s just taking a few deep breaths or just noticing what’s happening internally or just actually moving a little slower or not trying to rush from one appointment to the next and schedule things far enough apart that you do not have to rush and get your body in that state of panic. That’s really what you’re doing is you’re getting it into a state of panic when you’re rushing from one place to the next.
I want to talk about how this translates to intimacy in a relationship and how you can create more orgasmic energy by slowing down.
Luis Congdon
Can I just talk about just the power of slowing down as it relates to your whole life? This is really important and maybe we should do another episode around the orgasmic and the sexuality piece because I’m just thinking about slowing down and how sexuality and intimacy is like a lead up.
It isn’t just a “Boom. I’m going to slow down. Okay, I’m slow down. Now, we’re having amazing sex and we’re connected.” It’s a progressive process.
I was studying a course on how to help a woman become more orgasmic and the first thing that I was thought was give her daily massages in this specific course. I was instructed to give one hour daily massages.
Kamala Chambers
It sounds pretty sweet.
Luis Congdon
So that the woman’s body would become more relaxed. It was interesting for me because the whole course about a woman becoming more orgasmic wasn’t like, “Here, do this and do that.” It was teach her and help her how to relax more just all of the time so then, when you are in an intimate space, she’s relaxed. You’ve already set the foundation.
So, how do we slowdown in our daily lives? I feel like that is the first piece of this conversation.
Kamala Chambers
All right. Well, you guys already know there’s an orgasmic slowing down episode coming up.
Luis Congdon
That’s right. Also, we want to let you know right now, we’re talking about how to slow down, create more intimacy, and how to lead into having a more orgasmic and connected relationship, and having more connection and intimacy in your intimate life with your partner.
Kamala Chambers
Yeah. You’re making really a good point that I want to speed up and get to the gold of what can happen at the end.
We need to really nourish this process because slowing down is a practice. It’s something that we can practice every single day. It’s something that we can practice for as many times as we can remember it throughout the day, to just take that breath or move a little slower or look out from what we’re doing and just take a pause and notice what’s happening outside.
What are the trees doing? Are they blowing in the wind? It’s something as simple as that. What this really does, what this really allows us to access is more of who we are, more of what we’re experiencing in the moment, more pleasure of the moment, more enjoyment in the moment, and deeper connection between you and your partner.
Luis Congdon
Yesterday, I took Kamala out on a date night and if you’ve been thinking about a way to add some extra value and connection to your relationship and slowing down, is creating some date nights.
I was taking her out and we got on the freeway and the freeway was horrible. It was really backed up. It was raining. We were going to be 20 – 30 minutes late for our session. It was a surprise. She didn’t know what it was. I knew exactly what it was but we were going to be late. Both of us got a little bit stressed.
One of the things I’ve really learned to do is when traffic is bad, I actually slow down my driving and I just start to try to offer more generosity in my driving with people. I let people cut in a little bit more, slow down, and go slower. For some reason, I found that this just helps me manage time in a better way and I relay that to Kamala.
I said, “Hey, let’s just try to slow down and think about what’s present right now. And then the first thing that came to my mind was, “We’re probably going to be 20 – 30 minutes late. Let me call the place and find out if that’s going to be okay.” It’s like a 45-minute drive that we’re doing and we’re only 15 minutes into it.
So we called, they said “No problem. We’ll see you when you get here,” and that totally relaxed us but that space really only comes from learning how to slow down.
Kamala Chambers
Yeah, and it would have been a much different experience because I can get wound up if I’m late for an appointment and I really try to create a lot of time and spaciousness but since this was a surprise, I didn’t know where I was going, where Luis is taking me, which takes some surrendering. So we were going to be late and what that does is it could just have spent us out.
It could have created a really hard, horrible date night if we would have just been in that tension. “Oh, we’re not going to make it on time,” “Why didn’t you think about leaving earlier?!” or blame, or something like that. Instead, there was a lot of harmony and flow between us and in that drive. We didn’t arrive stressed.
We had good conversations. We laughed. We just enjoyed the journey and then, we got there and he got a private dance lesson, which was amazing and we were able to really connect on the dance floor.
Luis Congdon
I’m really thinking about men too. If you’re on a new relationship or long-term relationship or maybe you’re not in one, the power of the slowing down and relaxing, how that impacts women, how that could impact your partner. Now, if you’re in a gay or LGBTQ relationship, this is still really powerful.
I’m just going to speak from my experience as a male. When I slow down and I become more embodied, and I handle a situation like, “Hey, let’s handle the one thing that’s in front of us,” what happens is that I’ve noticed women can go through their whole little thing of feeling, expressing, and being worried, and if I don’t get sucked into that, it’s a really awesome experience that I get to have because I get to witness her and in many ways like to be in her feminine because that’s what a lot of women do.
But I also get a chance to really show her like, “Hey, don’t worry. I’ve got this covered. I’m taking care of you tonight. This is my date night and I’ve got you covered tonight.”
Kamala Chambers
Let me just say, it’s incredible to be able to surrender into that and to really trust, “Oh, I can be held. I am safe. He is taking care of the situation.” Rather than continuing to get wound up. Me as a woman, I am able to practice letting go and surrendering to him.
Maybe a feminist wouldn’t like that but I think it’s a really important part of being able to really step in to the feminine space and allow him to step in to his masculinity, which is really sexy. Let’s just say, a man’s masculinity, once he really steps into it is really sexy.
Luis, you are very sexy.
