How To Increase Intimacy – Niyaso Carter
MUST HAVE RESOURCES
SUMMARY
People have this huge misconception of how to increase intimacy. They believe and practice what they see in the movies or magazines hoping they will have a life of more intimacy and pleasure. In today’s episode, renowned teacher Niyaso Carter explains what Tantra and intimacy really are. She emphasized the importance of taking time. And that asking questions about how to increase intimacy, can lead you to the real path to the most amazing sex.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
Tantra is a word that originated in ancient India. It means the practice of coming into union with God, the source, or the divine.
Tantra and intimacy are almost synonymous. Knowing how to increase intimacy is important.
Intimacy is the ability to communicate vulnerably. It’s the ability to know and trust yourself enough that you can say it how it is.
Communicating with your body is just being honest, being authentic, saying, and being how it is. This will teach you how to increase intimacy.
Partners need their words to learn how to increase intimacy because in order to bring things in the direction of where the joy is, where the opening is, and where the heartfelt relaxation is.
One of the key tips to men if they want to know how to increase intimacy is to be willing to ask questions of their partner.
The right thing for a man to do who really wants to open up things sexually and intimately, would be to go, “Well, take some time. Ask your body how it feels. Let your body do the talking. See what comes up if you don’t worry about saying the right thing.”
Movies show scenes unrelated to real life. Learn how to increase intimacy through some research.
There aren’t any healthy sex visuals available. Know how to increase intimacy through some authentic resources.
Don’t take what you see out there or what you read even in magazines as the ultimate truth on how sexuality should look like. Learn how to increase intimacy through authentic sources.
Taking some time is an important missing piece. Take time to learn how to increase intimacy.
Taking time, asking questions, feeling your body, asking what would feel better, and waiting for the body to supply that answer is actually the real healthy sexuality or the real path to the most amazing sex. Knowing how to increase intimacy helps in having amazing sex.
It takes courage to believe that slowing down leads somewhere good. To know how to increase intimacy, slow down every process.
The biggest sexual trouble is there’s no role modeling of couples taking about what feels good for them.
Natural course of a loving long-term couple that keeps exploring is that sex gets better and better over time. Know this in order to be able to learn how to increase intimacy.
In a good relationship, relaxation and trust actually builds and it actually increases the ability to feel and sense, in the sexual realm as well.
A good sex life is not a matter of luck rather knowing how to increase intimacy. It is a matter of understanding the ingredients that it’s going to take to get there very lightly and playfully. This doesn’t have to be serious kind of processing but to just continuously learn to open.
A committed relationship that wants to have sexuality be good is a spiritual practice. This is how to increase intimacy.
There’s no connection when you’re chasing around the sensation or the orgasm. Know how to increase intimacy and have orgasm.
To learn effective communication means to make “I” statements and to speak about what you would like rather what is not working.
Learn how to increase intimacy and keep the communication positive.
People don’t know what’s going to feel good because they haven’t really given themselves permission to question, “What might feel even better?”
One of the key questions that both men and women ask their partner and themselves is, “Is there anything that we could do even a tiny, little bit differently that might feel even better?”
If having a hard time getting aroused or having an orgasm, the first piece is relaxing and asking your body what it needs. This really helps you knowing how to increase intimacy.
Honesty is the greatest aphrodisiac that teaches you how to increase intimacy.
Honesty has to be handled with kindness and vulnerability.
Having trouble achieving orgasm for women is not a new conversation but it has to do with finding her trust in the relationship, in her body, and in her femininity. That takes slowing down and taking time.
The bedroom is the best place where people can be real, vulnerable, open, and more relaxed.
Have eye contact sometimes during love making to keep the connection, this is how to increase intimacy.
It’s not really that you need anyone’s specific thing necessarily but the willingness to explore new things on a regular basis.
Know what phrases and words are the magic key to opening for your partner that will help you knowing how to increase intimacy.
TRANSCRIPTION: HOW TO INCREASE INTIMACY – NIYASO CARTER
How To Increase Intimacy
Kamala Chambers
Today, we’re going to talk about something really near and dear to my heart, how to increase intimacy. Intimacy, Tantra, and how slowing down can help us access even more pleasure.
Be sure to stay until the very end of this episode because we have a special meditation that’s going to help you dive even deeper.
We are here with Niyaso Carter. Welcome to the show Niyaso.
Niyaso Carter
Thank you so much for having me.
Luis Congdon
Let’s dive in and let’s talk about Tantra and intimacy.
Tantra has this huge misconception and I’d love to just start. Can you clarify for us a little bit about what Tantra is and the misconceptions around what people think it is?
Niyaso Carter
Tantra is a word that originated in ancient India. It’s a Sanskrit word and Tantra at that time, mean the practice of coming into union with God or source or the divine, whatever words you’d want to use. What made people that were in the sex of Tantra that were in the tradition of Tantra different back in that day was that they also included sexuality as a path to God or to the divine whereas, during that time and in ancient India, all the other traditions, like the Hindu and Buddhist, had celibacy. Celibacy is a basic tenant of requirement when you wanted to be spiritual.
Tantra nowadays moved into America and into the West. There it has been appropriated by a number of different groups of people and it has become to mean everything from group sex, to spiritual sex, to conscious sex, and all different practitioners are doing different things under that term. However, it doesn’t change what the original meaning was.
How To Increase Intimacy
Kamala Chambers
Such an important topic as far as intimacy goes. Sometimes a lot of people think about Tantra as this weird aloof thing that’s kind of out there but something that everybody can understand is intimacy. I’d really like to talk about how to increase intimacy.
What is intimacy? How do we get more intimately connected with ourselves and with our partner? I would love for you to just kick us off to in that direction. About, what is intimacy to you? What is that look like between couples and how can we start to dive deeper into intimacy?
Niyaso Carter
Beautiful question because Tantra and intimacy, you could almost say they’re synonymous.
Intimacy seems to be this kind of vague thing that if you ask a man what intimacy is or how to increase intimacy, I can almost guarantee you he would have trouble answering and a woman would probably say, “It’s when I feel really, really connected to my partner.” It really is a good idea to examine that word a little bit and more importantly, how to increase intimacy.
Niyaso Carter
You can actually say it, “Oh, that feels great but I think if you did it a little bit lighter, just very same touch, it might feel even better.” That’s one form of intimacy. Saying “I’m afraid right now,” is another form of intimacy. And of course, being able to be received by your partner.
It’s a big topic, intimacy. So maybe stir me a little bit in that direction.
How To Increase Intimacy – Communicate Vulnerably
Kamala Chambers
I love that you’re talking about communicating vulnerably and one thing I’ve seen a lot of people struggle with is that they think, “Oh, now I have to talk about every single little thing that is going on.” Verbal communication is a big piece but also body communication and directing your partner where you want them to go and vulnerably communicating in that way. That’s a whole other piece.
Don’t you agree?
Niyaso Carter
I do.
If I’m going to be blunt, being communicating with your body is just being honest, being authentic. Saying and being how it is. In that case, intimacy would be not acting like the sex kittens say for a woman, if she’s not feeling it. That would be honest, intimate and authentic.
However, sometimes I really do believe partners need their words because in order to bring things in the direction of where the joy is, where the opening is, and where the heartfelt relaxation is.
Kamala Chambers
Absolutely. I’m curious Luis, what are your thoughts around this from the male perspective? How to increase intimacy?
Luis Congdon
I’m kind of a different type of male as far as mainstream men go and I think a lot of men listening to the show. They’re probably sensitive men or men who are looking to get that edge on how to be more in touched with their partner. Whether it’s a man or a woman or a transgender person, they’re looking to really get more in touch with themselves, how to increase intimacy, and how to really reach within themselves to direct that outwards and connect with someone else.
That’s really why I wanted to bring you on here, Niyaso. Because, I think a lot of us need help on getting in touch with our sensitivity especially when it comes to touch and connection.
What do you think are some top ways for men or for women to get in touch with their bodies, get in touch with that intimate aspect of self-sexuality, and how to increase intimacy?
How to Increase Intimacy – Ask Your Partner Questions
Niyaso Carter
One of my top and key tips to men if they want to have a love life that’s amazing is to be willing to ask questions of their partner. I’m going to speak in terms of heterosexual couples just for simplicity sake. I just really encourage men to be prepared to say, “How does that feel?” and not just superficially. The woman needs to feel like the man is curiously interested and is not going to react unfairly if she has a comment about something that could be better.
A lot of women aren’t that good at knowing what it feels like because nobody’s had practice. Some women will say, “Well, I don’t know.”
The right thing for a man to do who really wants to open up things sexually and intimately, would be to go, “Well, take some time. Ask your body how it feels. Let your body do the talking. See what comes up if you don’t worry about saying the right thing.”
Those would be things a very mature man might say.
Kamala Chambers
I love that you said that piece of take some time because that alone is such an important missing piece. We get into the bedroom often times in our culture, this is how it’s done in movies. It’s hot. It’s sexier. Rushing through you, ripping off each other’s clothes. All of a sudden the guy’s on top and then, within 30 seconds of the footage, the whole thing is over and they’re just like, “Oh, God. That was so great.” But we aren’t taught or even shown that talking time and allowing the space can be so much sexier, so much juicier, real, intimate, passionate, and allows us the opportunity to really know what we want moment by moment.
How To Increase Intimacy – Take Time And Feel Your Body
Niyaso Carter
I’m so glad you jumped on that one because that’s one of my pet stories. When you watch movie scenes and just how unrelated to real life those scenes actually are and that’s not even mentioning pornography, which is a whole other conversation. However, the average movie scene has people literally believe they ought to be that way too. Because there aren’t any healthy sex visuals available really, that’s why I do the work I do. I did create a movie with healthy sex scenes in it and I’m going to create more. People don’t even think about it. They just go “I saw that in the movies. I saw all these sex scenes.” Something around like that is not how it should be going and nothing could be further from the truth.
Taking time, asking questions, feeling your body, asking what would feel better, and waiting for the body to supply that answer is actually the real healthy sexuality or the real path to the most amazing sex.
Kamala Chambers
I love that you have that DVD you put out there too about watching real people making real love. That’s such an important piece that we don’t get to see or access a lot in our culture. I’m grateful to come across your DVD many years ago when I was still in the explorative stages myself and was surprised to see something out there like that, which is great.
Niyaso Carter
I’m so glad you did. What we have to realize is that as babies, we’re biologically designed to copy what we see. More so than to copy what we’re told to do.
So, we constantly observe our environment and because there is an absence of healthy visuals around sexuality, the only visual we have that’s what we go by and the whole process happens quite unconsciously.
That’s why having this conversations is so important. Of course, creating positive visuals is one of the things I’m in the business of doing and I’m also talking about don’t take what you see out there or what you read even in magazines as the ultimate truth on how sexuality should look like.
Slow Down And Connect With Your Partner To How To Increase Intimacy
Luis Congdon
While we’re on this subject of sexuality and you two have really been connecting on that piece and in agreement. I want to ask. From your perspective Niyaso and in the work that you’ve done, what are some really valuable pointers and how to increase intimacy? Especially for men in regards to how they can slow down and connect with their partner.
Niyaso Carter
If we’re going to let go of modeling ourselves from porn flakes or even mainstream movies, it actually just takes courage. Have the courage to believe that the slowing downs going to lead somewhere good.
A mature man will trust himself to be the God, the divine, the giver of pleasure, and he will therefore not rush through it, and he will risk making a mistake.
That’s why I encourage couples to speak to this at some point in their relationship. It doesn’t have to be right in the bedroom. It can be at any given time. Just talk about what really feels good to us.
A man might say, “Sometimes I going to experiment with slowing down. Would you be okay with that? Because I think some nice new world will open up for us if I do that.” I think most women would just go “Oh, thank God! That would be wonderful.”
I think the biggest trouble in sexual relating, no role modeling of watching couples talk about it. And so, people feel like they should get it right without words.
I find often that if one partner begins addressing it, there may be resistance on the other side but if it’s done consciously, kindly, and consistently, pretty soon the conversation will emerge and things will open up.
How To Increase Intimacy – Always Be Open
Luis Congdon
I love your insights about how to increase intimacy and as a male, I find it incredibly helpful to hear this sort of advice.
In a moment I’m going to ask something from you, Kamala, too. Because, early one when I first started dating, I was just incredibly afraid to talk about, “Hey, I’m interested in you and I think you’re a fantastic woman. I would love to go on a date with you.”
Then, as we grow in our ability to be more open and exposed, that becomes fairly easy. However, to get to the place of, “I’d like to connect with you intimately” or “I would love to make love to you” and get to those basis of talking. That way, are incredibly challenging and something that I struggled with as a man and I’m hearing from you, Niyaso that, that can just be so incredibly healthy and it’s definitely something that I found in my work and work with couples.
Kamala, do you want to add anything about how to increase intimacy? Like, for you as a woman or for you as your work as an intimacy coach and working with men and women how beneficial that is.
Kamala Chambers
There’s something so amazing about when we drop into the moment, to our bodies and decide to open ourselves that we become magnetic. It becomes easy for people to connect with us, to be drawn to us. I’ve seen miracles happen when the body is open, when you’re allowing your eyes to open, and your heart to open, and your smile to open to people. The way that people are just drawn to that, it’s wild to see people flock in.
Have you experienced that too, Niyaso? Just amazing magnetism?
Sexuality Is a Gift from Divine – Know How to Increase Intimacy
Niyaso Carter
Yeah, in fact I sometimes give this exercise to men and women. The exercise is to actually go shopping in the local supermarket or health food store, and to consciously feel their sexual nature but in the sweetest and delightful way. Not in the flirty, “everybody please look at me” way but actually very privately for a woman to walk and just know, “I am the Goddess divine. My sexuality is a gift from the divine” and I’m going to walk into this supermarket with that consciousness, with that awareness, and how different that feels.
You talked about the magnetism and how to increase intimacy. It may turn a couple of heads but it’s not designed.
You don’t have to dress. You can be in a baggy sweatshirt and sweatpants. It’s really a shift in who you’re letting yourself be. That’s an important assignment both to men and women in sort of the privacy of their own awareness because we’re all shamed at some point in our upbringing for being overly sexual even if people often don’t remember that.
However, in the Western culture, there’s very few adults walking around now who weren’t shamed for their sexuality is.
Kamala Chambers
I absolutely love that exercise and how you framed too because, there’s this huge difference that we aren’t taught that there’s this difference of putting your sexuality out there like, “What I can get from other people? What kind of power can I gain over other people?” There’s the resting in our sexuality and being plugged into who we are and just feeling the sensual nature of everything around us.
Everything could be so sensual when we’re dropped into that and that sensuality can bleed into every part of our lives and then, you bring that to the bedroom.
Luis Congdon
I want to jump in here and ask about long term relationships and how to increase intimacy. What are some ways that couples have been together for some time and how to increase intimacy? What are some ways that they can revitalize or refresh their intimate life and connect again? I mean that on a sexual level specially.
Sex Is Good During Honeymoon
Niyaso Carter
First off, I want to mention that there is sort of an assumption that sex is good during the honeymoon and then it’s expected to drop off and get kind of an interesting. A lot of couples then think, “Well, now we need the toys” “And now we need the high-tech version of sex.”
However, I want to just affirm that the natural course of a loving long-term couple that keeps exploring is that sex gets better and better over time.
That is definitely how the development works. I’m not saying it’ll be sizzling hot every single time.
Niyaso Carter
However, in order to have that, a couple needs to consciously want that. I usually just say it to people. A good sex life is not a matter of luck. It is a matter of understanding the ingredients that it’s going to take to get there very lightly and playfully. This doesn’t have to be serious kind of processing but to just continuously learn to open.
To me, a committed relationship that wants to have sexuality be good is a spiritual practice. It’s like, practicing mediation. It’s something you on an on-going basis, you’ve got to go, “We know there’s more depths and we know there’s more opening and we that if we trust and follow our intuitive guidance, we’ll get there.”
Kamala Chambers
This is awesome because this something that Luis and I talked about in terms of sensation sex versus connection and how to increase intimacy. When we’re chasing around the sensation or the orgasm, you’re moving really fast, there’s a lot of friction or you got to keep up or got to chase around the stimulation. When we’re approaching sex that way, there’s no connection, really. The only connection is to the sensation itself.
There’s this completely different experience when we’re focused on the connection. There’s no place that we’re trying to rush to get to. There’s not a goal involved. It’s just about arriving in each moment and being with what’s there and what it wants to come through.
How To Increase Intimacy
Luis Congdon
I’d like to get vulnerable here too and share that recently, Kamala told me, “There’s some things that you’ve been doing with me physically that when you do them. I really focused around physical stimulation and it triggers a part of my brain that just doesn’t really go into that space of connecting with you and feeling you and being fully and completely sensing you as a whole organism instead just singly focused.
We talked about that. It was so great to have her open up and to share how to increase intimacy. We talk on the show and a lot of times we talked about what’s working. I want to let you guys know as listeners, I’m vulnerable and susceptible to this. I don’t imagine that would be the first time that Kamala will share with me, “Hey, this isn’t working. Can we do more of this or that?” After that conversation, we just had an amazing, intimate connection where there’s a lot of touch and slowing down.
If you’re a woman or a man, one of the things you know is that when you’re just tuned in like you know exactly where to place your hand, how to breathe, you eye gaze in the perfect way. You move to wherever you need to. It’s a very beautiful, soft dancing. You’re listening to this music that’s been created by both of you. That conversation doesn’t sound like it would be sexy but it is incredibly sexy.
Niyaso Carter
Yeah. I totally understand.
Luis Congdon
Do you have some tips, rules, or guidelines that you discovered that really help couples to know how to increase intimacy? Sometimes, we have that conversation and it doesn’t go so well. We don’t want to do it again.
What are your ideas or things you’ve discovered that really helped that conversation work well?
How To Increase Intimacy – Always Have Effective Communication
Niyaso Carter
Keep it in the positive. I teach all of my couples that come to my workshops and/or private coaching about non-violent communication. That’s maybe not such a great term but it’s a term coined by Marshall Rosenburg who wrote the books about it and is very effective communication tools.
I want all couples to learn effective communication and it means to make “I” statements and to speak about what you would like rather what is not working.
For example, it would be like, “I like your touch and sometimes, I’m not able to receive it that well and I wonder if you would be willing to touch me a little bit more slowly and a little more lightly. I think that might feel better. Would you be willing to try that?” It’s both keeping it positive as in making suggestions what might work and also being humble by not saying, “You ought to do this” but rather, “Would you be willing to try this experience and let’s see how it feels.”
Luis Congdon
I found that instead of focusing on what’s not working, also just saying, “I really love it when you do this. Can you do more of this?” or “I haven’t shared this with you but here’s a little something I really enjoy. I’m wondering if you would be willing to try it.” That works incredibly well in regards to getting our needs met and being able to ask for it.
Niyaso Carter
Beautiful. Yes. Absolutely! Sometimes, people don’t know what’s going to feel good because they haven’t really given themselves permission to question “What might feel even better?”
One of my key questions I give people is “Is there anything that we could do even a tiny, little bit differently that might feel even better?” That’s a question I give to men and to women to both ask their partner but to also ask themselves.
Tips to Learn How To Increase Intimacy
Luis Congdon
That’s a really great tip to insight curiosity and I want to add little to that, Niyaso. One of the things I’ve worked with couples and all couples have told me they really like it is when you’re playing that game of curiosity, adding this piece of, “And when I enjoy something, I’ll make a louder moan” or, “I’ll make a little bit more sound so that you know that I’m enjoying it.”
Niyaso Carter
Beautiful.
Kamala Chambers
What do you think about when people have a hard time getting aroused or men have a hard time staying hard or women have a hard time having an orgasm or staying aroused? They know exactly what needs to be done so they do it the same way every single time, which Tantra invites us to continue to change things up, continue to do new things. I’m curious what you would say when your clients ask you that.
Niyaso Carter
It would be very case specific because there’s different things going on in each single dynamic between people. There isn’t really a blanket answered to that but generally speaking, first piece is relaxing and asking your body what it needs. This is how to increase intimacy.
Obviously, something to do with age and health in case of a man not being able to have an erection. More often, I find there’s an emotional piece in the mix where somehow, people aren’t trusting and relaxed enough to discover, “What is my heart doing in this mix?” “What is my body doing in this mix?”
I’m not a proponent of Viagra for example, because I do believe that more often than not is the heart connection is cleared up. In other words, any kind of possible form or herds that might be lingering or fear of not performing properly, if all of that stuff gets addressed verbally in a conversation, often, it just opens things right up.
How To Increase Intimacy – Be Honest
Niyaso Carter
One of my favorite little things to say is,
Niyaso Carter
Of course honesty has to be handled with kindness and vulnerability. It’s not just, “I hate how you touch me.” But rather is and what a man might say is “I’d like a little room to explore. What would happen if I don’t go with our status quo of how we do things and if I would just explore how do I find my turn on?” and same for the woman.
Having trouble achieving orgasm is not a new conversation but more often than not, it has to do with her finding her trust in the relationship, in her body, and in her femininity. That takes slowing down and taking time.
Kamala Chambers
That’s a really beautiful answer and I love how it’s not cookie cutter. This is the one way for everyone. I really agree with you about it takes a discovery process and a big piece of it is just, “Okay, I come up against something I’m ashamed of” or, “I’m afraid about her. There’s something here,” and being really to just breathe into it in the moment, especially in the bedroom.
Breathing to it in the moment, express it in some way even if it’s not verbal and allow it to be there. Give space to it.
Because all the things that we’re ashamed of and we’re afraid of, the bedroom is one of the best places that they can up and it doesn’t seem like that. It should be that way. Like, “Oh, the bedroom is for things to get just sexy” and everybody’s having this wild orgy or whatever. But really, that’s the best time for people to be real, be vulnerable, and to bring those things up.
How To Increase Intimacy – Express Yourself
Niyaso Carter
Right. What I usually explain to people is that in the bedroom, if we want to have this expanded, amazing orgasmic sexuality, the reason that’s the time when the vulnerability comes up is because we open and relax more deeply than normal. It’s like this paradox that in order to open that much, let our energy flow unrestrainedly. Everything that we keep under wraps will pop up along with that expansion.
So, it’s good for couples to understand that there’s going to be stuff coming up. That’s just the name of the game or otherwise, you’re going to be stuck to a very limited road in the tracks sexuality. That is going to get boring with time for sure.
Kamala Chambers
This is kind of unrelated but when I see those movies scenes where the woman is just lying there and she’s not expressing herself. There’s nothing that makes me more upset than watching that because being in the bedroom is such an amazing opportunity to be who we are. We are naked. We are showing someone the deepest parts of ourselves.
I just want to keep encouraging people to bring up what’s there and to not let shame make you shrink back because we’re all weirdos.
I’m curious about what other pieces that you’re passionate about that you want to make sure our listeners have before we end the call?
Niyaso Carter
One thing you’ve addressed already is to have eye contact sometimes during love making so that it isn’t that disconnected, just focused on physical senses, experience.
I also say to couples “You just let go how it does and you have your routines. You’ve learned what feels good. But once a week make a play day where you have more than just 20 minutes. Maybe an hour or two assigned to just try something different.”
How To Increase Intimacy – Always Be Willing To Explore
Niyaso Carter
Read an article first, in the magazine, at my audio program. Here, we could do one exercise out of this audio and see then how it changes us, opens us, triggers us, makes us get new ideas.
It’s not really that you need anyone’s specific thing necessarily but the willingness to explore new things on a regular basis.
Luis Congdon
As we wrap up, one of the things that I felt would be really special, that I think would be a gift from you, could you guide us through just a short little meditation to help us get in touch with our bodies and something that either we can do by ourselves or with our partner but something you know that helps people really kind get in touch.
How do feel about that?
Niyaso Carter
Sure! Absolutely.
Luis Congdon
Love it. I’ll let take it away and Kamala and I are going to follow along and just do as you ask.
Niyaso Carter
We’re going to do it right now together but it’s also something you can do for you as you may be enter a love play moment.
Close your eyes for a moment. Not if you’re driving. If you’re driving you can do this with eyes open. Let your breath happen naturally and deeply and easily. Allowing the breath to happen how it wants to and not forcing it to be deep but rather just allowing of letting it gradually get maybe just a little bit deeper.
Let yourself become aware of the fact that you have a body and you need to know how to increase intimacy. A body that has lungs that inhale and exhale quite beautifully on its own. The same way as the breath happens quite beautifully on its own, the body along with the breath has sort of an undulation like rhythm that follows the breathing and it’s so tiny that a person looking from the outside might not sense it.
If you allow your body just a tiny little bit of movement along with the inhale and the exhale. Any movement that feels good to you. You will notice that that undulation is just something that’s running in the background when you’re not paying attention anyway. Right now, you’re just allowing your body to have a very gentle undulation. What that means is your spines maybe moving back and forth a little. Maybe you feel like you’re a snake slithering through the forest floor. Or maybe the image of a dolphin jumping up and down through waves is the image that speaks to you more.
An Exercise To Learn How To Increase Intimacy
Niyaso Carter
As you breathe relaxingly and allow whatever undulation movement your body wants to make. I invite you to slowly let your awareness travel down into your pelvic area. If there wants to be so gentle, effortless motion of the pelvis, you can allow that too. If there is no actual physical movement and it’s just a movement of energy, that’s beautiful as well.
Just allowing that awareness that you’re bringing into your pelvis to generate maybe a tingling, maybe a warmth, maybe a sense of relaxation. See what happens if I say to you allow your pelvis relax. Allow your perineum to relax. Allow your vagina, your clitoris or your testicles and your penis to just relax into this warm sensation of goodness because a lot of us hold tension in our pelvic area.
Again, related to often having been shamed as little ones and to send a message of goodness into our genitals. You’re beautiful, you conscious. You carry great power to know how to increase intimacy. You have a gift of awakening the whole body into ecstasy. Sending messages of affirming goodness into our pelvic area, into our womb for the women and to our prostate testicles for the men can have a very powerful opening effect.
From that place of goodness, warmth, tingling and permission of feeling the pelvis, still letting the body undulated if wants to. Just allowing whatever warmth now wants to travel throughout the body from the pelvis without again needing to effort. Just the breathing allowing to happen naturally and deeply and easily. Allowing the brain to relax. Not having to analyze or understand but just handing over control to the wisdom, to innate always available wisdom of our bodies.
This is how I would invite couples to begin a love making session and to know how to increase intimacy. If you liked what I said or any piece of it, you could even guide each other, maybe alternating. One day the man guides the woman into this as a preamble to love making and one day the woman guides the man into it.
How To Increase Intimacy – Use Some Powerful Phrases
Niyaso Carter
You don’t have to use my words. If you got a sense of the meaning of it, you can completely adjust and use whatever words feel like they help you open and what I’ll as a parting word with that is I encourage couples to let each other know what phrases and words are the magic key to opening for them. And to invite that those words be spoken.
For example for me, if a guy says to me, my partner says, “just relax” is like the magic aphrodisiac. I just get permission to not try and effort my body relaxes. It relaxes better than I would relax on my own. Now I can tell myself that and I do. If my partner fails to say it, I know it works for me to say to myself. “Just relax. Your body will know how to open” But if it comes from my partner, it’s just pure magic.
Kamala Chambers
Thank you so much for that meditation, that journey. How powerful it is to know how to increase intimacy. I know that’s my favorite kind of foreplay right there.
We’ve been here with Niyaso Carter. So enlivening and enlightening to have you on the show. Thank you so much for being here Niyaso.
Luis Congdon
Thank you so much Niyaso. We loved the insights about how to increase intimacy.
Niyaso Carter
I am so honored to have gotten to speak to such aware people like yourselves. It’s beautiful and I bet you do just awesome work.
