Myke Macapinlac

Let’s do it.

Myke Macapinlac

Are you referring to confidence or social confidence?

Myke Macapinlac

Yeah, let’s do it.

At a young age, my dad told me that in life, it’s not just what you know but who you know. That lesson was really instilled in my mind as a young kid and I know for myself, every single opportunity that I’ve had throughout my journey, I’ve had many different transitions. I’ve changed jobs. I’ve moved to different countries, and every single time that I’m able to re-immerse in the new environment, it’s because of my ability to connect with other people. So the topic of social confidence is really close to my heart.

Myke Macapinlac

Knowing how to be socially confident is so important. It’s unfortunate because the majority of the education we get in school is academics like Chemistry, Physics, or Math but in the real world, none of those things matter. It’s really your ability to inspire, to lead, and engage people that’s going to move you in upper management if you’re climbing a corporate ladder and gets you a date if you’re single and you want to put yourself out there, and even build a brand new network if you’re in a new city. That’s what it means to me.

Myke Macapinlac

Certainly.

I’ve broken this down into my signature online program, which is The Social Confidence Blueprint. It has everything in it about how to be socially confident.

After many trial and errors and like what I mentioned before our call, I’ve hosted a lot of virtual summits specifically to help shy guys improve their social confidence. I’ve really broken it down into 6 main components. So what I’m going to do is to break it down as a whole and then go through them step by step.

• Step 1. You have to change your mindset.  There’s no tactics or strategies that will work for anyone long-term if your head is not in the right place.We start right there.

• Step 2. Developing your charisma. I know for me, back then, I thought charisma was something you’re either born with or not. Fortunately, throughout my research, it is a learned behavior and we’re going to break that down on how to be more a charismatic later on.

• Step 3. Upgrading your style. It doesn’t matter how nice or how intelligent you are, if you don’t present yourself in a way that attracts the attention of the right people, then it’s not going to matter because people can’t see personality. People can’t see your IQ or emotional intelligence, therefore learning how to be socially confident is important.

• Step 4. Overcoming your social anxiety. Again, you got your head straight, you’re charismatic, you’re well-dressed but if you don’t know how to put yourself out there and approach people, then again, none of the things you learned are going to matter.

• Step 5. Improving your conversation skills. Your ability to engage people really comes down to how you express yourself not just through language, stories, humor, and stuff like that.

• Step 6. Designing your ideal lifestyle. I’m a firm believer that mutual interest is the foundation of every great relationship whether it’s personal, romantic, or professional, and it’s so easy to have a relationship with other people if you have a lot of things in common.

Myke Macapinlac

Certainly.

I tell all my clients this, “Pursue your passion, do more things that you enjoy and you’ll meet the right people along the way.”

Myke Macapinlac

That’s why I love getting rejected because very quickly, I know that we’re not a good match. So I can save myself from wasting time and just move on and give myself the opportunity to find the right relationships for me.

Myke Macapinlac

Thank you. I appreciate that.

Myke Macapinlac

I totally agree with that.

There’s actually a quote that I want to share with you guys. I really love this quote because it’s so simple but it’s so powerful. It’s by Mark Nepo and he says, “The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes.”

Myke Macapinlac

To me, the reason why I love that quote is because a lot of people are finding happiness and fulfilment outside of themselves.

For example, if I get the girl’s phone number, then that means I’m a good person or for single guys, if I go out there and I’m able to take a girl home from the bar, then I must be desirable. For entrepreneurs, if I finally have a 6 figure launch, then I have a worthwhile business. All of those things are outcomes.

If you really focus on the process of building yourself from inside out, all aspects of your life will improve.

Again, whether it’s you’re trying to make friends, improve your business relationships, or look for a romantic partner. It really comes down to the relationship you have with yourself. To know how to be socially confident focus on building yourself.

Myke Macapinlac

One of the things I talk about in my program that a lot of guys come to me asking is, “Myke, what’s the line? What’s the strategy? What angle should I approach people?” or “How should I stand? I’m like none of those things matter because your mind and body are interconnected and when you change one, the other would follow and the thing is people can read micro expressions from your face in as little as like literally a few seconds.

Myke Macapinlac

If you try to micromanage your body language and your facial expressions, that’s way too much work. This is one of the tips on how to be socially confident.

If you want to exude confidence and positivity, it really comes down to how you see yourself and there’s not a better a way to improve yourself image than a daily practice of gratitude.

If you focus on the things that are going well in your life, ironically, you’ll find more of them. However, the thing is, a lot of people that come to me. I’ve had some very attractive guys come to me and they’re like, “Myke, I don’t feel confident.” I want to smack him in the face and I’m like, “Are you serious dude? You’re such a good looking dude. You’re in great shape.” Because they always compare themselves to other people, they feel inadequate.

Myke Macapinlac

1. Change your mindset.

The quickest way that I know to do that is have a daily practice of gratitude. Starting today, just come up with 3 things you’re thankful for and in 30 days, I guarantee you, you’ll have a completely different perspective about who you are as a person and the kind of life you’re living.

Myke Macapinlac

Awesome!

2. Improving your charisma.

Again, we can talk for hours about charisma but I think the quickest way I know to become more charismatic is really make the person that you’re with the most important person in the world at that given moment. That means turning off your phone, give the person you’re with your full undivided attention, and listening for the sake of understanding instead of responding because those are 2 different things.

A lot of guys come to me and they’re like, “Myke, I don’t know what to say. I’m running out of things to say,” when really, sometimes the best response is just nothing. Just be there with that person. Give them the gift of your time and again, turn off your phone and make that person that you’re with at that moment the most important person in the world.

Myke Macapinlac

There you go. I love it. That’s awesome.

3. Upgrading your style.

I think one of the biggest mistakes that guys commit when it comes to dressing well is they think it’s feminine. “People shouldn’t care about how I look” or, “It’s what’s on the inside that matters” and I’m like, “Man, that’s all fine and good but from a single guy’s perspective, I’m pretty sure that every single girl you want to approach, you want to talk to them because you find them attractive, right? And then you find out if they have a good personality after.”

From a business perspective, your style is basically your way of marketing yourself to the right people. Going back to the business perspective, I check at your website and to me, it’ very clear, the type of audience you’re trying to attract. So your style is really no different.

You have to dress in a way that attracts the attention of the type of people that you want in our life. That’s my best advice right there to be able to learn how to be socially confident.

If you want to improve your style, it doesn’t have to be complicated. Figure out who’s already attracting the type of people you want in your life and observe what they’re wearing, and all you got to do is emulate their style and then, innovate later on. Nailed on the fundamentals, the basics, and then the rest, make it your own. That’s the quickest you can upgrade your image.

Myke Macapinlac

Yes, just coming in with a plan. If you’re going to go shopping, again, doing a better research, and figuring out who your style role models are. Let’s say for example, you want to attract the same crowd as like Marie Forleo or like Amy Porterfield.

Do a better research, look at how she’s presenting herself and then, find a way where you can incorporate this specific outfit that she’s wearing and make it your own.

Myke Macapinlac

There you go. Outsourcing, that’s perfect.

Myke Macapinlac

4. Overcoming your social anxiety.

As Luis mentioned before the call, I think him and I share this experience when we were both trying to improve our social skills. We both got into the whole pick up industry. It’s funny because back in the day when I was younger, I’d spent hours and hours on YouTube watching all these pick up artists like walk the girls and next thing you know they’re making out and getting their phone number and I’m like, “Oh my God! I should just be able to do that.”

I’ve been in this industry for a long time that the majority of those videos are fake. This didn’t teach me anything about how to be socially confident. I didn’t know that. They were combining scripted stuff with real infield videos. So in my head I had these really false and mismanaged expectations of my ability to just be able to put myself out there

Myke Macapinlac

Exactly, and it’s unfortunate because the majority of guys who are watching these videos are being brainwashed. They believe that they should just be able to go to any night club, approach any girl, and with the right combination of words and routines that they should just be able to get their phone number, get a make out, or take them home but that’s not how it works.

If we relate this to fitness, if a guy who’s out of shape. If it’s his first day at the gym and you give him this ridiculous cross-fit style work-out, he’ll have a great work-out but the next day, he’s going to be so sore and it’s just not something sustainable. So when I work with clients in improving their social confidence, I use the exact same analogy.

I say, “Right now man, you’re socially out of shape and what we’re going to do is build your social confidence slowly but surely.” So just like going to the gym, if it’s your first day at the gym, we’re just going to do walk in the thread mill. Maybe do a few push ups and some crunches. It was challenging and fun, and because you felt like you had a small win under your belt, you’re a lot more likely to come back and in my opinion, I’m not a huge fan of throwing someone at the deep end of the pool and them, trying to figure things out.

Myke Macapinlac

Fear is never a good motivator for my perspective. What I like to do is give them small wins.

Myke Macapinlac

My coaching programs especially my online course is set-up that guys can win every single day in a small way. Because the thing is I can’t make other people do something that they don’t want to do.

Real change happens when you want to do things for yourself and there’s nothing more that will help people do that than building positive momentum.

5. Improving your conversation skills.

Again, a lot of guys are so afraid of getting rejected when my approach is totally different. I want you to get rejected because, you can always make more money but you can’t make more time.

So when you lead with honesty, when you lead with passion in all your conversations, people know exactly what you’re all about and you’re going polarize them. They’re either going to love you or they’re going to hate you. The analogy that I give my clients is you want to be pistachio and not vanilla. You want people to really, really like you or not and that’s okay. You don’t want to be bland to everybody else.

Myke Macapinlac

Totally.

6. Designing you ideal life style.

Like what I mentioned earlier, mutual interest is the foundation of every great relationship and it’s so much easier to meet people if you have a lot of things in common.

Myke Macapinlac

I may get a guy who hates loud environments and going to bars and night clubs so I would not tell him to go to bars and nightclubs to work on your social skills. The first thing I ask him is like, “What do you love to do for fun? And let’s find social gatherings and events, and let’s put you in those environments where you’re a lot more likely to win, and even if you don’t meet anyone when you go out, at the very least, you had fun because you did something that matter to you.”

Myke Macapinlac

Absolutely, knowing how to be socially confident is important.

I would have made that step 1 but at the end of the day, that’s not sexy and people don’t want to hear that even though that’s the truth, so I made it step 6.

Myke Macapinlac

Exactly, exactly.