Haters Gonna Hate
SUMMARY
On this episode, we’re going share with you some ideas on how to deal with haters, change your mindset about them, and help you overcome feelings of hurt.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
The bigger you grow, the more people you’re going to find who don’t like you.No matter how friendly, kind, generous, and loving you are, some people are going to disagree with you.
The more fans you get, the more trolls you’re going to get.
People get intimidated and afraid you’re going to grow beyond them, so they try to knock you down.
The only way you’re going to win and prove the haters wrong is you just keep doing you.
Embrace your haters. They’re giving your free advertising when they talk about you.
TRANSCRIPTION: HATERS GONNA HATE
Luis Congdon
Hey, Thriving Launchers, have you ever had haters? Have you ever had someone that just seems for some reason, they hate you?
On today’s episode, we’re going to talk about how to deal with haters, and the mind shifts and strategies I’ve used to overcome the upset and hurt that can come with being well-known and being an influencer.
All right, Thriving Launchers, I want to get something off my chest. It’s something a lot of us don’ talk about here, but it’s important. It’s a subject all of us are probably very familiar with, and that is haters.
There are haters, Kamala. There are people that, for some reason or another, they don’t like me, you, or the business. They don’t like what we’d stand for.
It doesn’t matter if you’re Martin Luther King, Gandhi, or Mother Teresa. There are people that for some reason, they’re going to hate. That’s why today’s episode is haters gonna hate.
Haters Gonna Hate And That’s A Fact
Kamala Chambers
Yeah. Well, we’re not fond of this topic, but it’s something important that we’re going to talk about because it happens. Truly, haters gonna hate.
It’s just a fact. It’s just something that happens, and it’s something Luis, and I both struggle with.
It sucks to have people writing you bad things. You put a lot of time, energy, and resources in putting out value to the world, and then you get met with people saying things that aren’t nice.
Haters Gonna Hate But Just Keep Showing Up
What I had to do is I had just to keep showing up, keep finding people that were supportive, and finding people that did support me.
I discovered that my biggest haters had been people I was close to in real life. My biggest haters online were people that were my apparent friends.
What I found is I started to grow, the more the people in life try to knock me down online.
Reason Why Haters Gonna Hate
What happens is people get intimidated. They get almost afraid. They’re scared you’re going to grow beyond them. That’s a reason why haters gonna hate.
What I had to find is I had to have better discernment about the type of people I surrounded myself with and individuals who were in my sphere.
A real friend is going to be there with you through your darkness, and they’re going to be able to celebrate your greatest wins.
Luis, I know you had more experience with people who you don’t even know, hate you.
Luis Congdon
It used to get me down when people put me down or hated on me.
Haters Gonna Hate Despite How Good You Are
Out of Kamala and I, I’m the one who’s very social online. I’m just out there. I’m more of the face of the business in a lot more ways.
Kamala had worked very hard in the company. I’m not saying anything about that. I’m just saying I’m more verbal and vocal. I’m the front person. I close the deals and sales. I connect with people.
That part of the territory that comes with that is there are people for some reason, or another have not liked me or have put me down publicly or tried to shame me.
I used to get hurt around that, and I don’t know what shifted for me, but something changed.
Having Haters Gonna Hate Is Hurtful
Kamala’s a sensitive person too, so this is something that used to affect her. It was when somebody she thought was a friend was hating on her or just trying to disgrace her or something. It’s hurtful. It is hurtful to have haters, Kamala.
Kamala Chambers
It is.
I just find that the more I come across that, the less I want to be around those people. It has spun me out and made me feel bad about myself, or I allowed myself to feel bad about those things.
When Haters Gonna Hate, It’s A Sign To Get Stronger
When haters gonna hate and when people put me down, I take it as a sign to get even stronger in the kind of individuals I am with. Those are the individuals who are going to stand by you through everything.
Luis, I know you’ve written a lot of posts and put out things out there that have some controversy in it. I think that’s scary because you’re putting out things that people are going to respond negatively to. Can you tell me a little bit about your experience around that?
Haters Gonna Hate Regardless Who You Are
Luis Congdon
I’ve learned that if you’re alive, there are people that aren’t going to like you. Haters gonna hate and it doesn’t matter how friendly, kind, generous, or loving you are. There are just going to be people that disagree with you.
It’s taken me some time to come to terms with the fact that there are some people that no matter what I do, they won’t like me. They’ll have an opinion about it.
Haters Gonna Hate And That’s How The Cookie Crumbles
One of the things my coach recently said to me is people are constantly making interpretations and they’re always categorizing, and putting you in different boxes. It’s just the way the cookie crumbles, and that I would be happier if I spent less time worrying about that.
I’ll tell you right now. The first few times somebody publicly put me down, or it seems like they are talking to me to other people that were influencers or people were trying to create rumors about me that weren’t true, it hurt. It got me down.
Haters Gonna Hate And That Couldn’t Be Changed
I had a woman tell me she heard something about me and didn’t want me on her podcast, and there was no way I could change her mind.
I tried to ask her and have an open conversation with her about it, and she just said she’s not up for dialog. That’s just it.” It surprised me, and it made me sad.
Then, I started to realize what Kamala had been realizing. It’s that these people aren’t your friends and they’re not the people that care about you.
Haters Gonna Hate But Just Keep Doing You
The only way you’re going to win and prove the haters wrong is you just keep doing you.
You keep doing the best that you can. You keep doing the best to the people in your life that you can. You know what? The haters, they’re going to continue to hate. They’re going to hate.
If you keep working on being happy and on thriving, you let the haters hate. So what?
As long as you’re thriving, and you’re the best that you can, then you don’t have anything that you need to explain or defend because you know you’re doing your best.
Kamala Chambers
Let me use that way too popular meme that I’m not sure if it was ever a famous quote, “Hurt people hurt people.” That’s something true.
Haters Gonna Hate But Have Compassion To Them
People are never rude or hurtful for the reasons that it seems. I think there is always something deeper going on. I try to remember that. I try to have compassion first that if someone is reaching out and just being spiteful that there is something wrong going there. There is something they’re struggling with, or they got hurt, and we all have stuff.
I might as well just have some compassion for where they’re coming from. Also, have compassion for what the haters are suffering and struggling with if they have to take the time to go out of their way to hurt someone else or to try to affect someone else.
I think the last thing I’d just say about that is my growth edge here is more with the people I love the most. If they become haters, that’s a big struggle for me. My co-dependent tendencies make it, so I don’t want to upset the people I love, and so, I can tend to shut down if I feel like I’ve hurt someone and take too much responsibility for other people’s pain, and feelings.
I know for me, the process I have to keep coming back too, and it’s a practice. This is not something I’ve mastered. This is what I have to practice.
Haters Gonna Hate But Remember Who You Are
Take those moments where I take that space to be with me to remember who I am. To keep in mind that my heart is good, and my intentions are in the best place, and it’s not about what I did wrong. Realize that their pain is not my responsibility and that I know for a fact that I’m a good person coming from a good place.
Just having that little inner dialog helps me with the haters I love. They’re not haters, but the people I’ve upset.
Luis Congdon
All right, Thriving Launchers, we hope this gave you some support, mindset shifts, or some ideas of how to deal with haters.
Haters Gonna Hate And Just Embrace Them
One last thing, Ben Settle, he was on our show. One of the things he said to me is embracing them. The more they talk about you, they’re giving you free advertising. Just embrace it.
Don Miguel Ruiz, several times New York Times best-selling author, Oprah guest, fantastic Toltec teacher, one of the things he said to me was it’s more about them. What people tell you is a reflection of what’s going on inside them, and it is never personal to you. It’s about their opinion, perspective, and story, so you don’t take it personally.
That is my last closing thoughts there for you.
Thriving Launchers, I hope you got some closing thoughts or some breakthrough through this episode, and we’ll see you on the next episode.
