Wade Alters

Yup, definitely. Let’s do it.

Wade Alters

For me, my background, I’ve been coaching for about 11 years now, and I started off at the young buck age of 24. Then, I was teaching dating advice and so of course, it’s crucial to know how to have confidence and power dealing with people especially to someone that you’ve never met before.

But then, as I got into the business context, it’s important to have the confidence to do something on my own, but then also, to take the leap of faith. You’ve been putting content out there, and speaking from a position of an authority.

Even in the gym, the ability to lift the amount of weight you want, if you start second guessing yourself, that’s when you get hurt.

I think it’s one of the most important things you need, but the challenge is that when you need it the most, it’s usually when it’s not there. That’s the chick and the egg dilemma on learning how to have confidence and power in dealing with people.

Wade Alters

I’ve had three hours seminars on this topic about how to have confidence and power in dealing with people. It’s something I’m passionate about.

Wade Alters

A starting off point for sure is the fact that learning how to have confidence and power in dealing with people is very contextual and specific.

Too often, when people have a big term like “confidence,” they filter it over everything that they do, and they say, “Oh, I just lack confidence.” Or even if it’s just “I lack confidence to take risks,” or “I lack confidence to talk to people like go to a networking event.”

There are times where you do have that like if you’re talking to your sister or a family member. Confidence is an issue there.

Wade Alters

Building confidence is just a matter of getting experience and reference points as well as looking at it from an inner game side of things and saying, ” What beliefs do I have about myself that I need to work on or to restructure?”

At the end of the day, you have to have reference experiences to reinforce confidence. But we can also a lot of times, stack the cards against ourselves because we hold onto beliefs that limit us in different scenarios.

Wade Alters

I want to jump in and say one quick little concept on how to have confidence and power in dealing with people.

My background like I said, when I started off, it was just organic. I worked for this contracting company to take guys out and run seminars, help them build confidence around women. Then we’d even go out to Starbucks and Burger Kings, and night clubs, and have them implement it immediately.

At that point, I was just reading some random self-help books at that time about , and figuring stuff out on the fly. Later on, I did a lot of NLP training, and I mentored with a lady name Barbara Stepp, who worked with Richard Bandler for 25 years, creator of NLP and even Tony Robbins when he was in his early 20’s in the 80’s.

Wade Alters

She was a clinical hypnotherapist. Something I learned from that whole area was the fact that any feelings that we have are always associated first with the thought.

There’s something we say to ourselves, maybe like “I don’t think this is going to go very well,” which leads to a lot of self-doubt or we imagine something happening.

You’re about to go into that sales presentation, and you’re picturing the other person giving that rejection and saying “No. This is horrible! I’m kicking you out of the business.” and you’re basically stuck in the cards against yourself before you even start.

Wade Alters

When you go away, step away from the feeling, and analyzing, “What is the thought process here?” it allows you to have these handles and levers to work with. I think again, it goes back to thinking with purpose.

A lot of resources I like have a very tactical approach, because I feel like a lot of times with self-help, it’s very easy to get into that “Just push it harder! Take more action!” Then people are confused when consciously they know what they want to do but they just can’t get themselves to do it. That’s why I’m sure as you said from your experience too that the inner game is where it’s at, the subconscious.

Wade Alters

The book I recommend the most would be The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. I’m a huge Ayn Rand fan, Atlas Shrugged, and The Fountainhead, which is in the same mold of the virtue of selfishness and becoming more assertive.

I guess, without jumping huge into whole NLP world, I love Psycho-Cybernetics. That’s another great one to get your mind and focus it on the visualization aspect of things. Probably a good quick start in the NLP world would be Frogs into Princes by Richard Brandler. Those will be three I think great starting points.

Wade Alters

Well, that intro, I think you should go first there.

Wade Alters

I’d say for me, the whole reason I found out about self-help was I had been in a relationship from 16 to 24. From the pain, I’m like, “I need to find another woman.” It was kind of like you guys were talking about and I’m like, “Okay. I think it’s confidence.” and I didn’t know what attracted a woman.

I think when you get into self-development, you go through that phase of like, “What is the meaning of life?” and then you get into all the spirituality. It just goes deeper and deeper there.

Going through that whole gamut of things on how to have confidence and power in dealing with people, I would say I had confidence in certain situations and I think we all do. I know we all do. That’s my belief. Whether it’s playing video games, in the kitchen, it doesn’t matter where it is.

Wade Alters

There are some areas of our life where we’re confident.

A lot of times, if I’m working with a client who isn’t confident in one area, it’s bringing in those strategies like visualization.

What do they think about when they’re doing that thing they’re confident? What do they say to themselves? What is the tonality? Are they saying “Oh, yeah! I’m going to kill this and this is going to be awesome!” Are they’re like compared to the areas where they have the self-doubt?

Usually, the tone of voice is much different. A lot of times, it’s even like a critical parent or something like that. It’s like, “Okay. Let’s get that mind out of there, and have a more productive strategy in the situation.”

Wade Alters

The way I always like looking at it is the fact that we’ve had our beliefs for so long. I just turned 35. Some of these beliefs had been 34 and half years in the making or longer so they feel like they’re part of who we are, and because of that, you give your power away. You’re like “This is just how it’s supposed to be,” as opposed to knowing or realizing that you can change these beliefs.

If people have a belief that “I am introverted,” or “I’m not good at Math,” the first step is self-awareness, and realizing what that belief is. In that alone, the subconscious goes to work. It moves it out of the unconscious as a habitual thing into something that, “Oh. Okay, cool. Now, I can work with this.”

The old NLP sort of Tony Robbins’ analogy where he talks about a belief that it’s the top of the table and the legs are the reference points.

Wade Alters

That means you can immediately change it but you can start too in that process.

The dating stuff I think is the most entertaining. I don’t do that anymore.

Let’s say she’s a beautiful woman. He’s like, “I don’t think I could ever get with a woman like that. She has so many options. Why would I feel confident that this is going to go well?”

Two-fold; go have them do it a million times or even a dozen times, and he realizes that she’s not going to slap him in the face or throw a drink at him.

Wade Alters

Through positive reference points, he’s getting confidence. There’s things that happened in his past or in his future that leads to him to be more confident. The fact that he’s going to the seminar to work on himself, he should feel more confident.

Because most people aren’t willing to even admit they could get better at themselves at stuff like this.

To men, I’d always say, “You’re like a fine wine, and you’ll only get better with age. You only get more sure of yourself, more confident, and more successful. All these things, you’re only getting better and better.

Wade Alters

It’s the same thing in sales.

Here’s a quick example. A lot of times, I work with people to get their first client. That’s like a thing when it’s the scariest because the hardest time to make the sale is when you needed to most, and you’re trying to pay the bills.

And so I say, “because this is your first client, you can give him so much more effort, focus, and attention than if you were some big company who had hundreds of clients.” All of a sudden, by reframing that into a strength, that gives them that confidence where the same thing is happening either way.

Wade Alters

I’d say on that same thread, the way I like looking at it is,

Wade Alters

There are studies from emotional intelligence where when a mother is breastfeeding the child, based on the child looking up, how quickly the mother looks away, can have effects on your introvertedness and your extrovertedness. Here you are, 20, 30, 40 years later, letting these things that are completely arbitrary dictate your life.

Wade Alters

The first step is just having that sense of awareness like you just talked about of like, “Okay. This is the introverted trance.” or, “The driving trance.” or the, “Me on a podcast trance.” or, “Trying to be social.” and things like that, and going, “Okay. Whatever I thought I was in the past, I can change that, and I can choose the response that I want.”

That doesn’t mean it’s going to immediately change but it’s your choice. It’s just a matter of deautomating old patterns, and automating the ones you want to get whatever level of success you want.